I wish I knew how old I was the last time I watched The Care Bears Movie. I’m sure however old I was (7? maybe?), I would have never guessed that I wouldn’t see it again until I was 25, with my boyfriend, in Texas, hopped up on cold medicine. But I guess that’s just how life goes.

There are a few standard titles that come up when people talk about “trippy” movies: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas2001: A Space OdysseyEnter The Void. The fact that The Care Bears Movie never seems to make on lists like that is a severe oversight. This movie is an acid trip personified. I know I loved it as a kid, and seeing it now doesn’t embarrass me because of that, but  it just further proves how weird kids are. Who are the Care Bears? Where is Careland in relation to Earth? How can the Care Bears be so simple-minded, yet have Star Trek-caliber technology? Who was the bear with the milkshake on its belly? Weird shit.

This also might be Part 3 in our Kids Ruin Everything series that Chris and I seem to be inadvertently taking part of: this time, a kid (a carny, no less), Nicholas, tries to take over the world (actually, we have no reason to think he’s taking over anything more than his small town, but everyone is acting like it’s the whole world, so whatever) because he doesn’t have any friends. Typical. The Care Bears have to stop him, along with some orphans, by convincing him that he does have friends: magical bears who live in the clouds. A great message to give a kid trying to channel black magic to make him popular.


God this is stupid. It definitely felt like I must have accidentally ingested some kind of drug because, God, this is stupid. The biggest question I have is: What’s the name of the milkshake bear? I hope it’s Milkshake Bear. This is also another film that was fun to watch, though, because Elizabeth and I could just talk shit about it, but in the end we were still watching The Care Bears Movie . . .

SHE-DEVIL (1989)

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I have no idea why this film was made but I’m glad Netflix put it online? Maybe? This film really had no protagonist, no real story, and no real lessons. It’s all about a wife, Roseanne Barr, whose husband cheats on her. Then it really just turns into a big, let’s-screw-over-his mistress-more-so-than-him story? The film also had an awful time pacing itself. It would get stuck on one character for too long so that you forgot about the other people. The thing that was the most frustrating was that she was way too similar to her Roseanne Conner character……if only John Goodman was in this. It’s also the second movie we have seen recently with Ed Begley Jr (Santa With Muscles), does he make good movies?


Maybe the title should have let me in on this, but I don’t think She-Devil actually has a protagonist. I think we’re supposed to be rooting for Ruth (Roseanne Barr), but from what I could see she’s just as deceitful, sneaky, and self-centered as anyone else in the movie. Plus, my instincts tell me to always root for Meryl Streep, even if she plays a character like Mary, the homewrecker. The problem is, I like Mary. Aside from the fact that she’s Meryl Streep, she’s not really evil or conniving, she doesn’t dump Bob (Ed Begley Jr./Stan Sitwell, again!) immediately once his wife dumps his bratty kids at her house, she puts more integrity in her writing, and she’s the only character that actually grows. Mary also reminds me of Miss Piggy – always a plus.

I guess I had a hard time just figuring out the point of this movie. It wasn’t particularly funny and it didn’t fill me with feminine pride. The one thing it did do was serve as a constant reminder at how unbelievable Meryl Streep looked for being 40. Also, I’m sick with a cold and have been taking a lot of cold medicine, but at the beginning of the movie, Ruth has a giant mole. And then at some point toward the middle and for the rest of the movie, she doesn’t. Did it just go away? Was its disappearance written in and that scene was cut? Or was it explained and the cold medicine made me too hazy too notice? I guess I’ll never know.

BERNIE (2011)



Before we watched it together last night, I had already seen Bernie (Chris hadn’t), but it was the kind of movie I was itching to see again. Not because it was confusing or I thought I could figure out more about it, but just because it’s good.

I’m usually not a huge fan of Jack Black, but he’s so subdued here it’s hard not to love him. He’s not the manic persona he usually puts on screen, and this kind of role really suites him. I also loved the way most of the story was told in the second person, through the eyes of the townspeople. Having relatives in Texas all my life and living in Austin now, I definitely appreciated the mannerisms and the things said by the townspeople a lot more than I would otherwise. The one old man’s diagram of Texas is particularly amazing and telling.

The one sticking point with me was the sense of time. For the majority of the movie, the exact time period isn’t really specified, and it doesn’t really need to be, but you get the sense that it’s sometime during the 90’s: computers aren’t really mentioned or used, and people use corded house phones over cell phones. And then, well into movie, Bernie gets a call on his iPhone. To me, the iPhone was really jarring and knocked me out of the story a little bit, because I had re-assess what time period the story was told in. Not a huge deal, but when a movie’s as good as this one, a minor flaw doesn’t seem as minor.


Bernie is truly fantastic, even more so because it’s a true story. Anything associated with Texas I am immediately interested in, I think because of my time so far in Texas (for the same reason I am currently addicted to King of the Hill). Bernie held my interest by showing off the weird, crazy lifestyle of Texas. The film is basically about a small town man being pushed too far by a miserable old lady. Throughout Bernie there are multiple interviews with the people of the small town of Carthage about Bernie, the actual person. I think the great thing is that a majority of the actors of this film are actual people who were in the town.
After seeing this movie I kind of want to go visit the town. It’s only a five hour drive? Maybe during next four day weekend!