I wish I knew how old I was the last time I watched The Care Bears Movie. I’m sure however old I was (7? maybe?), I would have never guessed that I wouldn’t see it again until I was 25, with my boyfriend, in Texas, hopped up on cold medicine. But I guess that’s just how life goes.

There are a few standard titles that come up when people talk about “trippy” movies: Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas2001: A Space OdysseyEnter The Void. The fact that The Care Bears Movie never seems to make on lists like that is a severe oversight. This movie is an acid trip personified. I know I loved it as a kid, and seeing it now doesn’t embarrass me because of that, but  it just further proves how weird kids are. Who are the Care Bears? Where is Careland in relation to Earth? How can the Care Bears be so simple-minded, yet have Star Trek-caliber technology? Who was the bear with the milkshake on its belly? Weird shit.

This also might be Part 3 in our Kids Ruin Everything series that Chris and I seem to be inadvertently taking part of: this time, a kid (a carny, no less), Nicholas, tries to take over the world (actually, we have no reason to think he’s taking over anything more than his small town, but everyone is acting like it’s the whole world, so whatever) because he doesn’t have any friends. Typical. The Care Bears have to stop him, along with some orphans, by convincing him that he does have friends: magical bears who live in the clouds. A great message to give a kid trying to channel black magic to make him popular.


God this is stupid. It definitely felt like I must have accidentally ingested some kind of drug because, God, this is stupid. The biggest question I have is: What’s the name of the milkshake bear? I hope it’s Milkshake Bear. This is also another film that was fun to watch, though, because Elizabeth and I could just talk shit about it, but in the end we were still watching The Care Bears Movie . . .

2 thoughts on “THE CARE BEARS MOVIE (1985)

  1. Natalie loves this movie and I couldn’t believe how much I remembered of it until we watched it one day.
    Also, according to this lovely webpage (, that Care Bear was Share Bear. However, in 2004 her tummy symbol was changed from the milkshake with two straws to two heart shaped lollipops. The reasoning behind that apparently being that sharing a milkshake spreads germs. Instead, now she carries a purse full of frappuccinos to share with her friends. I’m pretty sure the author of that pages doesn’t really know what a frappuccino is but on the off chance that they do, I would rather risk my kid getting sick by sharing a milkshake rather then be hopped up on caffeine.

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