JINGLE ALL THE WAY (1996)

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Elizabeth

Jingle All The Way has random acts of violence, domestic terrorism, racist jokes, homophobic jokes, and jokes about the mentally ill, all wrapped up into one delightful Christmas kids’ movie. It’s almost like a Tyler Perry movie!

The message of Jingle All The Way for 99% of the movie is that blind consumerism can solve anything, and then at the last minute it changes to the old standby, “family first.” For what seems like the millionth time, Arnold Schwarzenegger plays Howard, a workaholic husband and father. He consistently breaks promises to his young son about spending time with him, but quickly learns on December 23 that if he gets his son the most popular toy on the market, all will be forgiven. But he then discovers that his wife, Rita Wilson, asked him to buy the toy weeks before and now it’s sold out everywhere. RUT ROH!

Sinbad is around, too, and is a psychopathic mail carrier. It’s dumb. It’s also pretty extremely violent, with Sinbad setting of a bomb in the hand of a cop, but is completely blood-less. I know it’s a kids’ movie, but if you’re going to have terrorism, you should at least have some blood.

As always, the real star of the show was the incredibly-apparent-but-never-spoken-of thick Austrian accent of Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Christopher

This film we have been trying to watch since Christmas. It definitely was no Junior but it had all the great comedy punches an Arnold Swartzinager movie generally has. Jingle All The Way was definitely a great movie growing up. It is still that way today, maybe in a different way, but still worth the watch. And after all, this film teaches everyone the true meaning of Christmas. PRESENTS!!

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HESHER (2010)

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Christopher

This film was dumb but mildly entertaining. If I had seen this as a kid it would of severely scared me but as an adult it was pretty generic. If you like Joseph Gordon-Levitt, maybe see it? But other than that it’s not really worth it for any reason. It’s not bad enough to make fun of and it’s certainly not good enough to recommend. The best part is a scene where Joseph Gordon-Levitt tells the kid he has to do something and before he leaves, he walks up to the kid, and farts. Fart jokes are always comedy gold!

Elizabeth

I didn’t like Hesher, but it’s not 100% clear why. It’s not a bad movie, I guess. But it wasn’t very good, either. The tone was pretty muddled; it was overall incredibly depressing, but I think it was also supposed to be poignant and a little funny, but I didn’t really get that out of it.

I also think Hesher was miscast. Having Joseph Gordon-Levitt and Natalie Portman star in a movie together sounds great, but I ultimately found them to be more distracting than anything. Gordon-Levitt played Hesher, and was supposed to be a dirty, unpredictable, asshole. But he’s still Joseph Gordon-Levitt, and I couldn’t really ever believe he was this sex-crazed homeless guy. As for Natalie Portman, I think her character, Nicole, was supposed to be dowdy. But, I’m sorry, it takes more than a giant pair of glasses and hipster clothes to make Natalie Portman look anything but gorgeous.

I don’t know what the point of Hesher is, and it’s not good enough to be a great film with no point.