STOLEN (2012)



Well, I need to be up front about this. Chris and I sat down to watch Stolen after a huge, fancy dinner, and strong, fancy drinks. And Stolen is not exactly the edge-of-your-seat thriller it thinks it is and . . . well I fell asleep about halfway through and didn’t wake up until the movie and a couple of King of the Hill episodes that Chris watched were over. I thought about rewatching it, but . . . no thanks.

Stolen is trying so hard to be Taken, but it never will be, and it never could be because Taken is amazing and Liam Neeson is amazing and Nicolas Cage seemingly is incapable of being in anything amazing in the past few years. Nicolas Cage’s weird-looking daughter gets kidnapped by an even weirder, laughably fucked up Josh Lucas. I kind of don’t know much past that. Obviously, my consciousness couldn’t take it. But I’m okay with that.


THIS MOVIE WAS GREAT!! The whole time I suppose there is a conflict but it also kind of feels like an SNL skit that just lasts too long to get to the joke. Nic Cage, as everyone knows, is currently at a place in his career where it’s impossible to take him seriously. And Stolen confirms this!

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