Unconditional stars a girl who dies early on in the first season of True Blood and a guy who has appeared in such fine films as Think Like A Man and For Colored Girls. I’m pointing this out to demonstrate the caliber we’re working with here (don’t get me wrong – I love True Blood, but this girl is one of the first to die in the whole series). So Lynn Collins plays Samantha, whose husband was murdered by an anonymous black mechanic – his mechanic status given away by the red rag at the scene, and only mechanics can have red rags. Michael Ealy plays Joe Bradford, aka “Papa Joe,” this super weird guy who has to use dialysis for a wound he got in a prison fight and whose ambiguous occupation appears to be to hang out with elementary school kids. It’s super weird, but no one thinks it’s weird, like when Joe and Samantha take all these kids on a field trip to Samantha’s ranch, and then end up sleeping there, like it’s no big thing.
Samantha and Joe surprising don’t fall in love, because Samantha is a good Christian and although she’s a widow, she’s still married (or something). In the end, Samantha tracks down her husband’s killer (Anthony Jones – a really easy name to follow up on), only to find that he’s not the killer, just a random guy her husband creepily befriended right before he died. Her husband was killed by an anonymous white homeless man – whom she never tries to find. She gets the biggest break in her quest to find her husband’s killer, and as soon as she finds out he’s a white homeless guy, she drops it completely. What the fuck?
There’s also a horse subplot. About a horse helping a girl learn to speak, or some shit. I hate horses, the end.
This movie was pretty scary. The main character’s job is to watch children in some kind of city program . . . maybe? What his movie was really about was a man, and a bus driver, kidnapping children who come from homes that won’t miss them and take them on sleepovers. While this is going on a woman is trying to find out who killed her husband. She sees a man with a red handkerchief, which she saw at the crime scene, and assumes it’s the same person . . . and somehow it is? BUT he didn’t kill her husband, he was just there. He tells the widow that some white crackhead killed her husband aaaaaand she doesn’t care anymore?