LITTLEMAN (2006)

LITTLE MAN

Christopher

I have been wanting to watch this since Elizabeth and I caught a few minutes of it in North Carolina and let me tell you, it did not disappoint! It was kind of this perfect movie to me. It was beyond awful in pretty much every way but it actually had some pretty funny moments. I mean all the funny parts were due to Tracy Morgan being one of the characters, but still it got me laughing.

The biggest trouble with Littleman is not that it’s a terrible movie, it’s that I have absolutely no idea who this movie is for. It’s PG-13 so immediately that knocks out adults, I mean there are no boobs or cursing, not that movies need that, but I think for a Wayans movie to be successful it probably does. It’s not for children cause even though they don’t show nudity this man child tries to sexually abuse multiple adult females. Although this might be why this movie is even better, it’s a total wonder why is was created in the first place.

Elizabeth

Chris caught a portion of Littleman while we were at a hotel a few months ago and has been trying to watch the whole thing since. So I gave in. Mistake? Possibly.

I think the above photo illustrates a lot of the confusion that comes from Littleman. What’s wrong with Calvin (Marlon Wayans), exactly? He’s not a dwarf; according to Wikipedia, “Calvin is a very short thief and convict.” But there’s very short, and then there’s mistaken-for-a-toddler short. This is never really addressed, even though the entire plot of the movie is based around this. It’s troubling, to say the least.

It’s also troubling that everyone goes along with it when Calvin pretends to be an abandoned baby for Darryl (Shawn Wayans) and Vanessa (Kerry Washington) to look after. See, Darryl desperately wants a baby and is disappointed when Vanessa excitedly announces that she got promoted rather than pregnant. Even though Vanessa has assured him that she’ll be ready to have a child in a couple of years, everyone is constantly on her case because she’s too focused on her career and doesn’t want to have kids (yet). It’s totally infuriating. Why can’t Vanessa focus on her career? Why can’t she wait just a couple of years to have a kid? She’s young. Who cares? Obviously it’s because women should have kids, not careers. Great. Anyway, yeah, it’s troubling that no one notices Calvin is actually a 40 year old man. Even the pediatrician they take him to says that “it’s like he has the mouth of a 40 year old man.” When Vanessa asks if they should be concerned about that, or his tattoos, or his scars, the doctor says “nope” and the issue is permanently dropped.

Also, Calvin rapes Vanessa. I’m not kidding. Vanessa and Darryl have sex with Calvin in the room, in his crib, watching. The next morning, a still out of breath (for some reason) Vanessa comments that she couldn’t believe Darryl was able to have sex twice in a row and how amazing it was. Darryl says that they didn’t have sex twice, right when it’s revealed that Calvin is in bed next to Vanessa with a super disgusting look on his face. Although Darryl and Vanessa are unaware that she unknowingly had non-consensual sex with what she thinks is a baby, we do. And it’s funny!!!

Nope.

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