THE PLAYERS MANUAL (2012)

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Christopher

Tjhs movidj kann bejk heartdd to understand sometimmmmewwss. But I think that adds to how much I loved watching it (I don’t think Elizabeth would agree). This movie isn’t really a movie, it’s more of a goosbumps/afterschool special. It’s narrated by whom I can only assume is a priest of some kind. And being our narrator you would think we should be able to understand him, well think again cause it’s almost impossible. I did find that engaging, however, every time he would show up it was almost like a game to try to see what he was trying to say.

There are two story arcs in this movie. One is about a guy named Romeo, who has sex with a ton of ladies and I think he gets stabbed at some point? But in the end I have absolutely no idea what the moral was. The other story was about a group of kids who start selling drugs. Now, maybe the director just wanted it to look like these kids were having some success but by the end of the story they were selling so much and in charge of so many people, it’s comical due to the fact that they’re about 15 or something.

In the end, this movie is also on Netflix and if it’s 3am and you don’t know what to do put this on. OH YEA, also do you know what the Player’s Manual is? Apparently it’s another term for The Bible!

Elizabeth

Watching this was so miserable. It so barely counts as a movie that IMDb doesn’t even bother to make a page for it. The movie is narrated by some kind of minister who speaks like he has a wad of meat and/or toilet paper lodged in his mouth at all times. The minister guy tells us two stories, for pretty much no reason at all. The first story is about “Romeo” (SHOCKING), who dates multiple women at a time. Which isn’t weird, but he’s in like serious relationships with these women, who somehow don’t know what’s going on. Eventually he gets stabbed. The end. The second story is about two childhood friends who end up becoming drug dealers. They get arrested. The end.

Even though this movie is right around 90 minutes, the last twenty minutes is just the narrator straight up talking to the camera about the Bible. You see, that’s the true Players Manual. I mean, everyone knows that the Bible has the best advice for relationships and selling drugs.

Please don’t bother with this. It’s so awful. I forgot we watched it maybe 10 minutes after we finished it.

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