COOL AS ICE (1991)

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Extra special shout out to our friend, Fred, who was the first to tell us that this movie existed.

Elizabeth

I was expecting Cool As Ice to be dumb (which it absolutely is, don’t get me wrong), but what I wasn’t expecting is how completely and totally insane it is. It’s as if the filmmakers were so high on I don’t even know what that they couldn’t even see straight.

It seems like the writer really liked the plot of Say Anything and thought it would be cool to do something like that, except with Vanilla Ice and “urban” kids. One of the craziest things about the movie is that the lead actress, Kristin Minter, plays a high school senior. So, 18 at the oldest. But guess what . . . she was 26 when this movie was made. She was our age! And she doesn’t remotely look like a high school girl.

There’s also a crazy scene in which Vanilla Ice sneaks into her bedroom one morning while she sleeps and wakes her up by putting an ice cube in her mouth. Uhhhhh what? And she’s into it! She doesn’t scream for some reason! And this is mean, but I was really distracted by how unattractive Vanilla Ice was. I was actually equally distracted by how gorgeous Kristin Minter was, though, too.

Also the dad from Family Ties is in this movie. And there’s a subplot about the Witness Protection Program. And lots of rapping and dancing. And a house with writing all over the walls. I don’t even know what to say about this movie except it’s SO INSANE that it’s kind of amazing. At many parts it felt like I was watching some crazy art school piece. This movie needs to be seen.

Christopher

What is going on in most of this movie? I have absolutely no idea. It’s impossible to really understand what the direction of this movie is. I mean there is a love story, kind of, there are bad cops hunting down an ex-cop who they find in witness protection, and there are zero boobs for being from a director that’s directed a number of Playboy films.

This movie was kind of difficult to follow because of its insane plot. I mean there’s a scene where a girl just eats blue eggs? So Vanilla Ice is like a drifter of some kind and when his friend’s bike breaks down, they decide to stay at an old couple’s house, that might know how to fix it? Why they don’t just go to a mechanic, I’m not sure. Then they stay at this house, which is insane looking, and never really leave? They just hang out and dance all day!

Watch this film! If nothing else it’s a film with Vanilla Ice as the lead. And that’s all we ever really need in a movie, right?

TERMINATOR 2: JUDGMENT DAY (1991)

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Christopher

This movie is pretty badass! I hate James Cameron, or at least him recently, and he’s not as good at film making as his ex-wife, Kathryn Bigelow, but T2 is pretty entertaining. It is far more interesting than the first and the action is pretty consistent. I mean the whole last 45 minutes is an action scene. It really never stops!! This is also one of the few adult movies my parents had on VHS. I really remember this, the first Batman movie, and Saturday Night Fever, which was never opened from its cellophane wrap, so I guess no one ever watched it . . . I wonder how they got it?

Elizabeth

I was really excited to watch Terminator 2: Judgment Day after watching Terminator, mostly because I wanted to see Linda Hamilton kick ass. And really, after all the movies we’ve watched recently in which women are just so obsessed with children in some way, I needed to see Linda Hamilton kick ass.

I was super pumped in the first scene that Sarah Connor shows up in, where she’s in a hospital for the criminally insane, doing pull-ups, obviously preparing to kick ass. In fact, I was really into the whole portion of the movie where Sarah was in the hospital. She’s in there because she tried to bomb some place, got caught, and told her whole Terminator story to the cops, who put her away for being insane. I couldn’t wait to see her break out and hurt people.

So, I have to say, I was disappointed with her character after that. While she’s in the hospital, Sarah fakes being “sane” in hopes that her security level will be reduced enough to where she can have visitors, namely her son, John Connor (Edward Furlong). So we get the impression that her main goal is to get out and get to John. When John and the Terminator (who is now a good guy, which I thought was sort of unnecessarily confusing) break Sarah out, it seems like she doesn’t really care that much about John, and might actually be sort of insane. I thought at some points maybe she’s gone a little crazy for being locked up and for knowing the future when no one will believe her. But she acts like she totally didn’t give a shit about John! I really hated that because it implied that Sarah Connor can’t be a total bad ass and a good mother. I thought that was the whole point of her character: that she didn’t really care about anything else but her son, and will do anything to protect him.

Although I guess it’s also weird because Sarah basically raised John knowing he was going to be this important Christ figure as an adult. John grew up knowing that, too, which obviously fucked him up. That kind of goes along with something else I didn’t like, which was how time travel works in this universe. I honestly was so confused the whole time by it. How do their actions affect the future? Did John Connor grow up as a regular guy, but then when the Terminator came back and tried to kill Sarah, that changed John’s history? It sort of made me feel sick trying to think about it too hard, because even though time travel is probably the most important element of the plot, it’s not explained very well. I also had no idea what year this movie was supposed to take place. Did they say it was 1995 ever? I’m only saying 1995 now because of Wikipedia. I knew it couldn’t be 1991 because that would make John 6 at the oldest. But then Chris said it took place in 1997, which is when the big apocalypse is supposed to happen. But then the Terminator says something about the company that causes the apocalypse doing something in two years . . . it just super fucking confused me.

Also, I am now convinced that James Cameron is incapable of doing a movie under 2 hours. In fact, I just looked at his filmography, and he hasn’t directed a movie under 2 hours since The Terminator. So, to that point, Terminator 2 felt too long. Mostly because we had no idea how the evil robot could be destroyed. The evil robot and good robot fought for soooo long, and pretty much every time the good robot seemed to win, the evil robot would come back. It got kind of frustrating.

All in all, though, this was fun to watch and was more interesting than the first movie. So, definitely worth it.