COOL AS ICE (1991)

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Extra special shout out to our friend, Fred, who was the first to tell us that this movie existed.

Elizabeth

I was expecting Cool As Ice to be dumb (which it absolutely is, don’t get me wrong), but what I wasn’t expecting is how completely and totally insane it is. It’s as if the filmmakers were so high on I don’t even know what that they couldn’t even see straight.

It seems like the writer really liked the plot of Say Anything and thought it would be cool to do something like that, except with Vanilla Ice and “urban” kids. One of the craziest things about the movie is that the lead actress, Kristin Minter, plays a high school senior. So, 18 at the oldest. But guess what . . . she was 26 when this movie was made. She was our age! And she doesn’t remotely look like a high school girl.

There’s also a crazy scene in which Vanilla Ice sneaks into her bedroom one morning while she sleeps and wakes her up by putting an ice cube in her mouth. Uhhhhh what? And she’s into it! She doesn’t scream for some reason! And this is mean, but I was really distracted by how unattractive Vanilla Ice was. I was actually equally distracted by how gorgeous Kristin Minter was, though, too.

Also the dad from Family Ties is in this movie. And there’s a subplot about the Witness Protection Program. And lots of rapping and dancing. And a house with writing all over the walls. I don’t even know what to say about this movie except it’s SO INSANE that it’s kind of amazing. At many parts it felt like I was watching some crazy art school piece. This movie needs to be seen.

Christopher

What is going on in most of this movie? I have absolutely no idea. It’s impossible to really understand what the direction of this movie is. I mean there is a love story, kind of, there are bad cops hunting down an ex-cop who they find in witness protection, and there are zero boobs for being from a director that’s directed a number of Playboy films.

This movie was kind of difficult to follow because of its insane plot. I mean there’s a scene where a girl just eats blue eggs? So Vanilla Ice is like a drifter of some kind and when his friend’s bike breaks down, they decide to stay at an old couple’s house, that might know how to fix it? Why they don’t just go to a mechanic, I’m not sure. Then they stay at this house, which is insane looking, and never really leave? They just hang out and dance all day!

Watch this film! If nothing else it’s a film with Vanilla Ice as the lead. And that’s all we ever really need in a movie, right?

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