CHRISTMAS CUPID (2010)

CHAD MICHAEL MURRAY

Elizabeth

Lucky for us, Netflix has a pretty good amount of shitty ABC Family made-for-TV movies, and double lucky for us, they have a good amount of Christmas-themed ABC Family made-for-TV movies. When we saw that Christmas Cupid deals not only with Christmas but a dead body, we clearly needed to see it.

What I didn’t really expect, because the title doesn’t make you believe this, is that this is basically another retelling of Dickens’ A Christmas Carol. Failed pop star Christina Milian plays Sloane/Scrooge who is a publicist in LA. She ignores her insane mother (can’t really blame her for that) and her college friend and is dating her boss, hoping for a promotion. One of her clients, Caitlin (Ashley Benson), chokes to death on the olive from her martini, because drinking is bad. She comes to Sloane as the ghost emcee that will tell her about the three ghosts that will visit her at midnight, etc etc.

I think my favorite insane scene is when Sloane is having dinner with her ex-boyfriend, Patrick (Chad Michael Murray). Sloane dumped Patrick in college by moving out while he was in class and just leaving a note, because she didn’t want to move with him to Iowa for medical school. BUT! Turns out Patrick was going to propose! So, because Sloane is female and therefore obviously obsessed with marriage, she decides to give Patrick another go, which he agrees to for some reason. She has also recently broken up with Andrew (Burgess Jenkins), her boss, because he was cheating on her. So Sloane and Patrick are having a romantic dinner date together . . . AND THEN PATRICK SHOWS UP WITH AN EXTREMELY ELABORATE MARRIAGE PROPOSAL THAT INVOLVES A TON OF PEOPLE . . . AND SLOANE ACCEPTS! Sloane straight up forgets that she’s on a date with Patrick, and literally leaves him in the cold. Not to mention she just accepted a marriage proposal from a guy she just dumped because he was cheating. Soooo why are we supposed to care about this person?

I think it’s worth noting that when I just typed the above sentence, I originally wrote “Soooo why are we supposed to care about this movie?” Such a fine Freudian slip. Because no one should care about this movie, at all, ever.

Christopher

An ABC Family movie combining the Christmas Carol and the legend of Cupid?! Of course Elizabeth and I were in when they popped up on our Netflix! That being said I remember next to nothing about this film cause we pretty much talked through the whole thing.

This movie is about an awful lady trying to find love and a dead client of hers helps her realize who she really loves, Chad Michael Murray. I have no idea who thought this was an interesting and funny story but it’s far too complex for its own doing. I mean the ghost girl is never not seen so it’s difficult to remember that other people can’t see her; during the part of seeing the girl’s future she never guesses that her current boyfriend/soon to be husband is the ex showing her around (the three ghosts are all ex-boyfriends, cause that’s cuuuuuuteee!!), and other stuff, who really cares.

I will say this move is far more A Christmas Carol than anything to do with Cupid. I don’t even know what I’m talking about cause I’m listening to a podcast that’s far more interesting than this movie. Oh also my ex-girlfriend had Chad Michael Murray come to her high school and would talk during their morning announcements?! I always that was so funny, especially since who gives a shit about One Tree Hill!

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