MR. DESTINY (1990)

mrdestinypizzaparlor

Christopher

I used to love this movie as a kid! Seeing it as an adult, it’s terrible. Like really, really bad. So much so that it seems weird that it was made at all. When I was a kid I thought the magical, Spilt Milk element of this movie was cool. Where Jim Belushi wished he had hit the game-winning RBI in a game in high school because he hates how his life turned out. He hates his job. He hates his wife, he hates his friends. When Jim Belushi runs into Michael Caine who serves him a drink called Spilt Milk his past magically changes and he actually did have that game-winning hit. At this point he has the hot wife, the bank account, and the job he always wanted. He’s freaked out by this but the first night he stays in the new home with his new kids and new wife, he totally sleeps with her!!! So he cheats on his wife in this alternate reality? And when the whole movie turns into him trying to win back his old wife, I just didn’t really care. CAUSE HE’S TERRIBLE!!

Elizabeth

Mr. Destiny is sort of like a mix of It’s A Wonderful Life and Big with badness thrown in. Because it’s bad.

Jim Belushi plays Larry, who hates his life and thinks all of his troubles stem from striking out during a high school baseball game. That alone should make you not watch this movie. An adult man seriously thinks all of his problems are because he struck out during a baseball game in fucking high school? I honestly didn’t really care about Larry when I learned that was the premise. What a fucking baby.

So Larry meets Mike (Michael Caine) who is a magical bartender that grants him his wish, which puts Larry in an alternate reality where he did hit the ball during the baseball game. Amazingly, Larry is proven right, that all of his troubles were because of the stupid baseball game, which made me like the movie even less. He lives in a mansion and is rich and high up in his company. He also has a wife, Cindy Jo (Rene Russo) and a mistress, Jewel (Courtney Cox) . . . instead of his real wife, Ellen (Linda Hamilton). The issue is that Larry doesn’t seem all that upset that Ellen is not his wife anymore. In fact, he has sex with Cindy Jo pretty early on. Does Ellen just not matter anymore? He’s living in an alternate reality but has the same mind and emotions, so the fact that he just totally forgets about Ellen and fucks this other woman without much hesitation just proves that he’s an asshole that would have cheated on Ellen in real life had Cindy Jo simply given him the opportunity.

Once he sees Ellen he suddenly remembers her and spends the rest of the time in this alternate reality trying to convince her that they’re married in another life. You know what happens next; we find out his perfect life isn’t so perfect and that he’s corrupt and blah blah blah and it ends with him almost getting killed by the cops after a subplot not worth going into, until Mike steps in and puts him back in the real world. Then everything is back to the beginning and Larry’s life is back to being shitty . . . until he runs back to work and exposes some corrupt guy that he should have exposed in the very beginning, which causes him to get promoted instead of fired, so all is a happy ending!

God. How insanely dumb. Larry might have been one of the least likeable protagonists I’ve seen in a while. I’m soooooo glad having sex with another woman helped him realize that he did love his wife. How charming!

(Don’t watch this.)

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s