TOMMY BOY (1995)

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Christopher

I watched this movie well over thirty times when I was in middle school. Because of this I was a bit worried the humor might be too sexist or something. Fortunately it wasn’t the case at all. I still laughed through most of the movie.

When I was young I definitely thought it was just understood that Chris Farley was the funniest comedian to ever live. That’s obviously not the case but thinking about that now I feel like it was his physical comedy that made me feel that way.
I also used to have a sound bite of “fat man in a little coat” I downloaded from Napster.

 

Elizabeth

Before watching it with Chris, the most exposure I had to Tommy Boy was its trailer on a VHS I had growing up. Even from that all I remember is Chris Farley getting sprayed with gasoline and him mimicking Darth Vader’s voice in a fan. Despite growing up in the ’90s I managed to miss most of the Chris Farley-David Spade craze. I thought Chris Farley was sad because everyone just seemed to make fun of him and I thought David Spade was mean because he just seemed to make fun of everyone. Plus I’m pretty sure my mom would have dropped dead before seeing a movie starring Chris Farley.

A lot of the jokes that seem to be classics, according to Chris, were totally new to me and were therefore super funny. I braced myself for a lot of gross-out humor but was pleasantly surprised to find a lot of physical comedy but not a lot of super gross shit. One of the funniest scenes was when Tommy (Farley) puts on Richard’s too-small blazer to make him laugh, swinging his arms and repeating “Fat guy in a little coat.” I know now it’s a famous scene but it just cracked me the fuck up. I was also pleasantly surprised with Tommy’s character in general. He managed to be pathetic enough to be funny without being too pathetic to laugh at. And I liked that he wasn’t mean at all – I expected a lot of the dialogue to be Tommy and Richard insulting each other. But Tommy’s actually really nice and he makes you want to see him do sorta well, at least.

A weird misstep to me though was the whole stepmother subplot. Tommy comes home from college to find that his father, Tom (Brian Dennehy) has proposed to a new woman named Beverly (Bo Derek) who has an adult son, Paul (Rob Lowe). Paul is a creep from the start and Tom is just as nice as Tommy so you know they’re setting you up for something to be off about the relationship. Tom and Beverly get married as planned but while singing at the reception Tom has a heart attack and dies. Tom’s death sets off the chain of events that the movie revolves around – mainly Tommy and Richard going on a cross-country sales trip to save the family business. But it also reveals the truth about Beverly and Paul: Beverly planned to divorce Tom and take all his money (somehow). But since Tom died, they really just need to prevent Tommy from saving the company so they can sell what Tom left them of the company. Oh and also, Beverly and Paul are lovers – not mother and son. Sooo, why was this weird relationship included? It feels like when the movie was first written, Tom didn’t die and Beverly did divorce him, but died in the re-write so they just had Beverly acknowledge that now her job was easier. It was just so weird and clunky and I definitely did not expect the grossest thing about a Chris Farley movie to be Bo Derek and Rob Lowe making out.

Tommy Boy isn’t an intellectual giant of a movie, but that’s okay. It’s just funny.

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THE BRADY BUNCH MOVIE (1995)

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Elizabeth

I forget how I found out that Chris hadn’t seen any of The Brady Bunch movies, but I wanted to fix that as soon as I did find out. I loved the movie when it came out, and the more and more I thought about it the more I realized that it really was pretty bizarre.

The movie is sort of hard to describe. It’s about the Bradys as we know them: Carol & Mike, Marcia, Jan, Cindy, and Greg, Peter, and Bobby. Their household is also complete with Alice, who is herself complete with her relationship with Sam. They live in the same house, wear the same clothes . . . in fact everything about the Bradys in the movies is the same as the TV show, except it’s set in 1995. So all of their weird sayings, clothes, habits, are made 1000x weirder by being surrounded by modern America.

Watching The Brady Bunch Movie again made me realize how many jokes I didn’t get when I first saw it (I was 7 when this came out) but it still completely held up. The jokes that I thought were funny in 1995 were even funnier now. Like how Marcia is still obsessed with Davy Jones, even though he was 50 years old at the time. Or all of their musical numbers. But most of all, Jan’s inner voice. The Marcia/Jan rivalry from the TV show is taken to schizophrenic levels as Jan’s hatred (there’s definitely more hate here than in the show) for Marcia spurns a demonic voice in her head that reminds her of how perfect Marcia is. But, of course, that’s really only in Jan’s world; though Marcia’s attractiveness transcends her weirdness, she’s still super weird.

I could see this movie easily slipping by under the radar, because maybe the concept is confusing or maybe one would assume it’s cheesy and not funny. But it is so fucking funny.

Christopher

I definitely thought these were Brady movies with the full original cast? When Elizabeth always said Christine Taylor was Marcia Brady I kind of thought that meant the original? I have no idea why I thought that and the obvious time table of how that is impossible never crossed my mind. I’m glad Elizabeth wanted to watch this and the sequel because now I actually have it right in my head.

So obviously I was not expecting this movie to be what it was. I assumed it was just another Brady tale but the fact that it took the original Brady idea and set it in modern times is genius! I really wish I had watched this as a kid because I enjoyed it a lot as an adult.

I never really watched The Brady Bunch. I always found it kind of boring and I think this movie does a great job of realizing that. The whole story in this movie and all the characters are so over the top, nothing was really lost on me due to boredom.

I say check this out for sure! Although it feels like I might one of the last people to see it and certainly the last to know it was not part of the original show.

MORTAL KOMBAT (1995)

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Elizabeth

Well, Mortal Kombat was not good. I’ve played the game before, enough to recognize some of the characters, but not enough to recognize anything about the plot.

There are a lot of characters in the video game, but that’s so there’s more options for people when choosing a character. I’m not sure the same amount of characters really works for a movie. Everyone was at this fight-to-the-death-sometimes-but-sometimes-just-regular-fight tournament for different reasons, with different bad guys that they all wanted to fight. It was just sort of hard to keep track of.

There’s also The Highlander in a rice patty hat. Very Lone Ranger.

Christopher

Could a movie be more cool?!?!? Well yea, this movie is terrible, but as a kid I remember thinking that is was the best of the best in terms of movies. But thinking about it, I think I watched the second movie more. Mortal Kombat was never a game I ever owned but it was something I would always play at friends’ houses. I remember always wanting to be Johnny Cage cause I thought the ball punching move was one of the coolest things I had ever seen both on screen and in the game. But doing that move in the game required way too many buttons and would never really work, unless the other person was just standing still.

This movie is bad but I have good memories associated with it. I can only assume Elizabeth’s post is talking about how terrible it is but I’m glad she’s seen it so we can reference it. I might make the Mortal Kombat music her ringtone.

JUDGE DREDD (1995)

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Christopher

Since I recently watched Dredd I was really interested in watching the old Judge Dredd with Sylvester Stallone. I’ve never read the comic, it looks cool but if it’s anything like this movie, it might not be that good. We’ve been watching a lot of Sly movies, it feels like, but this was one of the worst. it was pretty terrible but it was mostly boring. And Rob Schneider is in it? As  the tiny comic relief. Pretty awful, but again mostly boring.

Also, I wasn’t expecting this movie to be as put together as it was. For whatever reason I thought it had a budget of $100 but it’s very obvious that that is not true. I think people just really hate this movie, absolutely no one ever talks about it.

Not really worth watching.

Elizabeth

THIS MOVIE WAS BORING AND STUPID.

FAIR GAME (1995)

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Elizabeth

I’m not sure what happens in Fair Game. We just watched it last night and I sort of don’t know what happened.

Something that truly strikes me in watching bad movies is how awful bad actors are. We all know that bad actors are bad. But seeing them try to act, especially near people who have even the least bit of acting ability, can be so excruciating that it’s distracting. Enter Cindy Crawford in Fair Game. I hated watching her on MTV’s House of Style, and that was a situation in which she wasn’t acting, she was just being Cindy Crawford talking about fashion. Watching her try to act was really . . . difficult. William Baldwin isn’t too great, but he seems amazing next to Cindy Crawford.

So not only are the actors not good, their characters are, perhaps, two of the stupidest leading characters I’ve ever seen. What does Kate (Cindy Crawford) do almost as soon as she’s entered into witness protection with cop Max (William Baldwin)? Oh, you know, just orders a pizza WITH HER CREDIT CARD. None of the cops she’s with stops her. So their safehouse pretty much immediately gets found out by the bad guys. I wish this was the first and last time that Kate uses her credit card and enables the bad guys to find them . . . but no. It’s not.

Max is also convinced that corrupt cops are behind everything, except the only “corrupt cops” he’s come across are actually just bad guys pretending to be cops. He’s a total fucking idiot, but unfortunately Kate is too stupid to realize this. They spend pretty much the entire movie running around (or sometimes getting blown up and being okay), not able to stay in one place because they keep doing insanely stupid things that get them caught by the bad guys, but once they’re in a train car together they suddenly find the time to stop and have slow, fairly graphic sex. The only thing that makes this make any sense is that they’re so exhausted and starving and dehydrated from not sleeping or eating for days that they’ve completely lost their minds.

Something that really stood out to me about Fair Game is how similar it is to The Pelican Brief, which came out 2 years before it. Both Fair Game and The Pelican Brief are about two beautiful young lawyers who are targeted by mysterious bad guys and have to work with only one male cop they can trust to try to figure out what’s going on. Except there’s no insane sex scene in The Pelican Brief. And also The Pelican Brief, while not the greatest movie ever made, is approximately 1000x better than Fair Game.

But, this movie needs to be seen if for no other reason than to see Cindy Crawford get blown up.

Christopher

I recently started writing down, recently as in this movie, notes during the movie. Since this is my first time, I’m really only going to only write down my notes.

– “That was probably stupid.”

– Phone room

– Heat Vision Nonsense

– Very explosive cars

– Computers?

CONGO (1995)

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Christopher

I remember this movie coming out as a kid. And I’m pretty sure all I remember is everyone loving this. The first time I saw this I remember being so proud of myself because I thought it was going to give me nightmares for weeks. But seeing it now I have absolutely no idea what the people involved in this movie were thinking. It has a talking monkey! Well not really talking it’s just using sign language.

But now that we’re on the subject that monkey and her intense romance with her care taker is the best part of that movie. It will probably make you tear up or terror in fear more that the actual story. First of all their love is forbidden! Second, She can’t even make friends let alone land a Silverback! Third the sad good-bye.

Netflix again!

Elizabeth

Have you seen Congo? Did you know how insane and (I hate to throw this word around, but I need to . . .) retarded it is? Did it blow your mind? Let me back up. Congo terrified me as a child. I was 7 when it was released in theaters, so I was 7 when the trailers were playing on TV and in movies. And the trailer fucking terrified me. Monkeys always scared me, and I know Congo is about gorillas but I’m lumping all primates in one group here, because they’re all horrifying to me and always have been. So when a movie came out that was about killer gorillas (which, let’s face it, all gorillas potentially are), I absolutely wanted nothing to do with it. I couldn’t watch the trailer, I couldn’t hear about it, and after a few years I sort of forgot that it even existed.

But then it came out on Netflix Instant. When I realized that Chris had a similar fear of it has a child, it was obvious that this was something we needed to see. And I’m so glad we did, because it’s an insane mess.

I’m not even entirely sure how to summarize this. Okay, so, Bruce Campbell and Laura Linney work for some kind of communications company that’s looking for some kind of very pure diamond, which will supposedly alter future communication. This doesn’t make a ton of sense because A.) Do we need diamonds for communication? and B.) Once Bruce Campbell finds said diamond(s), he immediately puts it into a laser and starts destroying stuff, and also potentially lighting the jungle on fire. So I guess it’s for a laser? I don’t know why they work for a communication company and not an arms dealer or something. But anyway.

A pack of unseen creatures kills everyone with Bruce Campbell’s party, so now Laura Linney has to go to Africa to find out what happened. Meanwhile, there are two scientists (I’m assuming), Dr. Peter (Dylan Walsh), and his sidekick that doesn’t do anything for the movie. Dr. Peter and his sidekick own (I’m assuming) a gorilla named Amy. They claim Amy can talk because they’ve developed some kind of robot glove that goes on her hand when she uses sign language and in a gross, creepy, little girl robot voice, speaks what she’s signing. Everyone freaks out about this talking gorilla. But no one seems to notice that Amy is not a talking gorilla. She can communicate with sign language, which we all know is possible for gorillas and has been possible for a long time. This robot hand just makes it so people who don’t know sign language can understand her. It drove me totally crazy that during the whole movie people talked about this talking gorilla but THE GORILLA CAN’T TALK. What’s even more insane is that no one also mentions the fact that Amy does not at all act like a gorilla but rather a human child. She can apparently understand English and problem solve on a really high level. She drinks martinis. She smokes cigars. And no one thinks that this is fucking crazy? I also want to point out that all the gorillas are clearly people in gorilla suits. I’m not saying I would rather CGI or something, but it really doesn’t make Amy seem less human.

Anyway, the gorilla people want to release Amy back into the wild, because that’s clearly the smart and humane thing to do to a completely domesticated animal. Laura Linney wants to find out what happened to Bruce Campbell and get some diamonds. Tim Curry wants to fund the trip, and offers to, but then can’t and still comes along anyway because he’s some kind of treasure hunter. And then they meet up with Ernie Hudson in Africa. We know Tim Curry wants to get to some kind of ancient diamond mine, but other than that I have no idea why the party travels so long. Laura Linney finds Bruce Campbell’s dead body and then keeps moving. The gorilla people want to return Amy to the wild but take forever to drop her off. Why didn’t they just make everyone have to go to these ancient ruins? Once they all get there, which is apparently inside (I think) a volcano and has cut diamonds scattered around the ground, which is convenient, they run into the species of killer gorillas. Horrifying, sure. Would humans possibly need to defend themselves here? Maybe, if the time called for it. But instead of just leaving this habitat undisturbed, these “scientists” MURDER THE ENTIRE SPECIES OF PREVIOUSLY UNDISCOVERED GORILLAS. Laura Linney even says, before she starts slicing the gorillas in half with her diamond laser, that she’s putting them on the endangered species list. Which is a total lie, because she’s actually making them all extinct. I’m sure any scientist would do the same.

The ending of Congo is sort of fantastic though, because nothing really gets resolved. Laura Linney doesn’t keep her diamonds because she finds out her evil boss is evil. The gorilla people leave Amy behind. Tim Curry dies. Everyone else gets on a hot air balloon and just . . . floats away. THE ENDDDDDDDDDDD.

I cannot believe how insane Congo is. It’s fantastic because of that.

HEAVYWEIGHTS (1995)

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Christopher

WATCH THIS MOVIE NOW! If you remember at all seeing this as a kid, see it right now. It’s been close to 10 years since I saw it, it’s still as funny as I thought it was when I was young. Fat kids versus a healthy Ben Stiller, who I don’t really like but think this is best role, is the perfect setup for hilarity!

But the other big thing Heavyweights does is makes me want to see all of the Mighty Duck movies, for some Goldberg (Shaun Weiss) action!

Elizabeth

I’ve seen Heavyweights a million times, but I hadn’t seen it in a really long time. Two things that I noticed this time were that A.) Judd Apatow co-wrote and co-produced it and B.) Paul Feig is in it.

I really enjoy seeing kids’ movies and shows from the 90s, if for no other reason than seeing how much stuff is in it that would never be in a kids’ movie today. Heavyweights has a lot of it: from adults smoking cigarettes around kids, to always saying “Oh my God” instead of “Oh my gosh,” to the bigger theme of what is essentially child abuse in comedy form.

One great thing about Heavyweights is that, unlike most kids’ movies, the kids and the adults are much more evenly comedically matched. The kids in this movie are actually funny. And Ben Stiller as Tony Perkis is working on Zoolander levels of comedy.

Much of my love for Heavyweights comes from pure nostalgia, but I don’t care. It’s funny and I love it.