BIG STAN (2007)



I guess I’m not really sure what there is to say about Big Stan. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a movie with as many rape jokes, so there’s that. I sort of couldn’t believe my eyes when it became clear that the entire plot (at least of the first half of the movie) revolved around Stan (Rob Schneider) trying to not get raped in prison. So he plays a corrupt real estate agent (not sure what that even means) who gets sentenced to prison, but has sixth months before he has to go to prison. So he gets The Master (David Carradine) to train him to not get raped. That’s really for real what happens. This includes such gems as getting some kind of scary tattoo (we never see it, thank god) around his anus and having his wife, Mindy (Jennifer Morrison) have sex with him using a giant, black, lubeless dildo. Okay.

Once Stan is in prison, his training makes him some kind of badass, and the only humor that comes from this is the fact that we’re supposed to believe that Rob Schneider is any kind of badass. He eventually has some giant sit-down with the rest of the inmates where he explains the difference between rape and homosexual sex and bans rape altogether.

It’s up and down after that because apparently everyone in the prison listens to Stan’s every word, so when Stan wants peace, there’s peace and when Stan wants chaos, there’s chaos. I just really didn’t understand the fact that Big Stan got made, until the end credits showed that Rob Schneider also directed and produced it. So I guess if you get rich off of Adam Sandler’s shit, you can make movies like Big Stan.


Man, don’t you guys just hate actors like Bruce Lee, Clint Eastwood, and Bruce Willis! Don’t you wish that there was finally a man to put all these chumps in their place to properly take over the badass role our generation needs!!!! WELL LET ME TELL YOU! This movie is not it but it’s so unbelievable how embarrassing it is that you have to watch it!

I mean there are not a ton of jokes in this movie. If they are it’s pretty deadpan and it’s really not funny in the first place that every scene becomes this strange prison drama. Rob Schneider will be nothing more than Adam Sandler’s lap dog, I think we all pretty much know that and this movie a little too obvious that he’s trying to break out of that role. The whole movie is about how he’s going to go to jail and since he’s so scared that he’s going to be raped, he trains so hard he becomes this badass asshole? So when he goes to prison he just turns into the guy everyone is scared of? Remember this is Rob Schneider!

This movie tries to have good morals, I think? But it fails miserably at that, too. In the end this movie is easily worth watching for its awfulness and hopefully if enough people see it ole Rob will make more movies like it!