DEEP BLUE SEA (1999)

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Elizabeth (spoilers)

Whoa. This movie. I had heard a lot about it and its badness, particularly in an amazing scene from Parks and Recreation where the characters start watching Deep Blue Sea instead of helping one of them move. And yeah, it was worth seeing.

You know a movie is bad/good when you watch it with someone and disagree on the plot. Well, I shouldn’t say I disagreed with Chris on the plot because he was just right and I was wrong. I definitely thought Samuel L. Jackson revealed himself to be a bad guy that orchestrated the entire shark thing, but I guess he didn’t at all and I just missed that somehow. Hmm, whatever.

But I have to say, I am a fan of how much of a “Don’t give a shit” attitude Deep Blue Sea has. Because literally everyone in this movie dies except Thomas Jane and LL Cool J. Most action movies, shitty or not, don’t kill off the majority of their cast, but Deep Blue Sea went for it. There were also some legit scary parts, like when a shark bites off Stellan Skarsgard’s arm, and then attacks him while he’s being airlifted out, and then uses his body to try to smash through underwater glass. It’s totally absurd, but also sort of scary.

Deep Blue Sea is definitely fun enough to make it worth while.

Christopher

I remember watching this once, maybe in college, but all I really remember is the crazy Samuel L. Jackson scene. Watching it now, I never realized that LL Cool J is pretty much by himself the whole time? And no one ever thinks twice about him being alive?

Watching it now, this movie is pretty fun to watch. I also really love Thomas Jane and watching this just made me want to watch Hung.

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LOL (2012)

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Elizabeth

I kind of didn’t know what I was supposed to be feeling while we watched LOL; was I supposed to identify with anyone (I didn’t)? Was I supposed to laugh or cry (I didn’t)? Was I supposed to think anyone was cool, smart, or daring (I didn’t)? LOL is supposed to be about a single mom, Anne (Demi Moore) raising her ambiguously-teenaged daughter, played by Miley Cyrus, who tells us in the opening that her name is Lola but everyone calls her . . . LOL! Except no one ever calls her Lol for the rest of the movie. Lola and her friends are filthy rich Chicago teenagers, who have sex, smoke weed, have huge parties, and don’t give a shit about school. They also apparently go to a school with no teachers or administrators, save for one sad French teacher. They end up going to France on a school trip as exchange students, and upon arriving, The Blond (I guess her name is credited as Emily) says, “Where’s the Eiffel Tower?” even though they aren’t in Paris, and all of the students are horrified at the herd of sheep crossing the road.  Lola and The Blond stay with a family inexplicably obsessed with Joan of Arc, while Lola’s boyfriend, Twilight (his name is credited as Kyle) and some other dude are paired with a family that has a daughter with Down’s Syndrome, whom they make fun of the whole time they’re there. Cute! When Lola gets home, Anne asks her what they did in France and she says they “saw the Eiffel Tower” and “French.” Soooo . . . okay!

The two most important things to take away from LOL: this movie should have been all about Thomas Jane, who plays Lola’s father, and Anne is a horrible mother. She treats Lola like a sister, she looks like Lola’s sister, and never gives Lola consequences for anything, including drugging Anne’s mother so Lola and her friends can have a party. LOL TEENS!

Christopher

This movie is pretty forgettable for obvious reasons but it also brings up some interesting conversation topics.

1) Demi Moore meets this guy. For some reason she decides to ride his motorcycle with him to somewhere, I wasn’t really paying attention, but she finds out that he’s a police officer when a cop walks by and says, “Morning detective!” So this guy is known around the office by all but not at all by first name? But that’s not the point. The point is is that he gives her his helmet, leaving him without one. So just because he’s a “detective” he’s allowed to break the law by not wearing a helmet? This scenario reminds me a lot of Savannah, GA where we went to college. On multiple occasions I saw police cars put on their lights just to run a red light? I’ve never seen that anywhere else but it always made me feel pretty uneasy about the police force in Savannah.

2) I don’t remember the other big life problems I had with this movie because I forgot. Because this movie is awful/boring . . .but kind of a lot of fun to watch.